Tri to Remember, Benjamin Jace 2015

First and foremost, why the name? The title is called Tri to Remember because it was supposed to be a Triathlon event, but it didn't work out that way.  Kevin came up with the idea when we were doing our own mini triathlon event on Ben's Birthday in August.  He had the idea we would do a Half Ironman distance triathlon, which is a 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike ride followed by a 13.1 mile run.  Sounded great, all things do before you begin!  He painstakingly charted out a course for the bike and run, we were going to bike from the community pool to the Children's Memorial Park and do an out and back run from there.  As life has it, things change.  The community pool decided not to be heated anymore, so we thought we would do a 1.2 mile run with circuit training for upper body at the Memorial Park instead of the swim and make a new bike course.  Kevin made the new course and we tried to come up with ideas for the circuit.  It became evident that our shoulders had other ideas.  Both of us are having issues with our right shoulders and we thought if we attempted to do that we may not be able to bike.  We kept the name because a Bi to Remember sounded silly.  We may change the name next time, jury is still out on that one.  Why did we do this at all?  One name, Benjamin Jace Rohen-Trapp.

Kevin and his family lost Ben to brain cancer when he was 3 1/2 years old 8 years ago.  Some may say, 8 years ago, that was a long time ago, aren't you over it?  The answer is no. I never got to meet Ben but I see Kevin in his grief and help pick him up off of the floor when it has hit him like a freight train as hard as it did the day Ben died.  Kevin hurts as much as the day he lost him.  One way that has helped Kevin grieve is through throwing himself physically into an event or activity to get through the memories and emotions.  It was simply a way to help him get through this time on the Anniversary of his death.  We never expected the outcome we had and it is why I am sharing it with you.


Initially we told our friends and family about it and they thought the usual, you two are crazy, but we will be there to support you.  This isn't our first time jumping into something big and they have seen us through before.  Kevin and I knew that the run would be tough to get through due to exhaustion and the heat of the day.  I put the message out on Facebook to my friends that said
  "On this Sunday my husband and I will be celebrating the wonderful 3 1/2 years of life his beautiful son had on this Earth. On sunday, 8 years ago he left us and got his Angel Wings. Those who know us know that physical exertion is how Kevin grieves. Thus, we are doing a modified half ironman without the swim due to some technical issues. We will be biking 56 miles and running 13.1 miles after we are done with the bike ride. We are starting the bike ride at Children's Memorial Park and ending there. Our run starts there along the loop path as an out and back. We know you have a lot of stuff going on but if you have time to join us on the run to help encourage us along with cheering or walking or running some of it that would be awesome. Our goal is in doing this it helps to remind you to love your kids and not take any moment for granted. We will be finishing at the Children's memorial park off of river road and having some pizza and refreshments. If you think you can join us for the run or bike let me know. Bike ride will begin around 7 is the plan, it will take us around 4-5 hrs and that would make the run start around 12-1with it taking us around 3 hrs. We are both battling some injuries but, this is so important to Kevin. Life is so fragile and it can disappear without warning. Don't feel guilty if you can't, just squeeze and love your family a little harder in loving memory of Benjamin Jace." We got a lot of nice comments and couple people said they would run with us.  We tend to think that our friends have heard the whole, you lost Ben story and doing something awesome and moved on.  Which is fine, but as stated previously, it hurts as much as the day it happened. 

We decided to put the same message out to our Red White and Blue group, which is a Veterans outreach program helping active, reserve, retired, separated vets and families with multiple events both physical and social to help with the camaraderie missed when you leave the military.  It is a fantastic organization that we are so incredibly honored to be a part of.  The response we got from RWB was overwhelming.  Completely overwhelming.  For one thing I think it is because it is new to them, but mostly because they get it.  They understand loss and the need to do something to deal with it.  They get support of friends and strangers, they understand what family means. In RWB it is a huge family. These are some of the comments:

"Where are you running and starting...I'll run early and it will be a virtual run in his memory"

"I will be there, changing our Sunday ride to your location and will ride with you, it will be our honor"

"If my 4 year old is better we will come and walk with you, if not I will do a walk in my neighborhood in his honor"

"My husband will try to get the day off to do this with you"

"We will be honored to see you off on your ride" (which began at 7 am)

From there it got shared on the Biking Page for RWB and it just blew up from there.

"Tell you what, I don't know what your location is but if you would post your time zone I will make arrangements to go wheels down at the same time in my location to support anyone in team RWB in support of anything they ask, I ride for all.  TEAM RWB!!!!"
People from Ft Worth, TX, Kansas, Chicago-two people, North Carolina-who put Ben's name on their shirt sleeve, and Virginia.

I received a personal message from a person riding in Virginia who said she would bow her head in remembrance of Benjamin.  Although she has never met us, she is keeping us in her thoughts and said if there was anything that we needed from afar she would help us out.  Here is her picture and post:

The day of the event, February 8th, we were so overwhelmed with emotion. This is what was posted for the event, note the number coming.

 We showed up to the starting area and saw 22 more people who showed up to ride with us too.  22 people wanted to celebrate Ben's life embarking on a ride that for many was the furthest they have ever gone.  For many it was the hardest ride they rode, but they did it in support and celebrating his life.  We had people show up just to send us off.  All of these people we barely knew or didn't know at all, but they came.  It was so uplifting. 

Here is a picture of the whole group.

One of our friends took a video as we went off, which was pretty awesome.

https://www.facebook.com/kristin.s.morris1/posts/10203825674387915


As we were riding at a pretty fast pace I was thinking I can't maintain this pace and I said something to Kevin and he felt the same way.  We both thought that they would pass us and go about their ride, we made cue sheets for them and thought that was what was going to happen.  When we pulled off to go to the bathroom, we had a few riders come with us and we thought okay they will all be past us now and thought how awesome it was with them there at the start.  As we took off, we found out they all waited as a group for us to get back on the path, it was then we knew that they would be with us until the end of the ride.  It was pretty awesome.  They all stayed behind us.  We are not fast riders by any means and that was pretty dang awesome.  One guy rolled up to us and asked if we could slow the pace down and we gladly said yes.  We would get to a major intersection and wait until the team was all together, we had a mix of experience and strength levels riding with us.  One vet was on a recumbent bike which is tough to ride in general and with a back injury, a lot harder.  No man left behind doesn't leave you when you leave the military.  Here are a pic of waiting for the team to come together.

  At a certain point the recumbent rider and another pulled off towards their house, another pulled off to his house too due to time constraints.  The fact they were there in the first place was incredible.  It got Kevin and I talking about at the half way point, we had Kathy there as our support crew with things we would need to survive the other half of the ride.  Knowing we would have at least 19 riders with us come in, we may need to up our supplies, we would have enough for the halfway point but not the finish.  We had a couple little hiccups along the way that are simply unforeseen, like road work and one way roads.  But as a group we made it through.  We chose to go over the rattlesnake bridge which Ben loved and as it turned out the group loved too.  

When we rolled into the halfway point at Michael Perry Park it was incredible to see Kathy, Kevin's dad, Jack and Patty there with signs and pure love.  It was so incredible.  Kathy supports us through so many adventures, she was going to see us through on this one too.  We couldn't have made it through the day without her! She went and bought pizzas also for the riders at the finish, she is truly a blessing and Angel.  Jack was with her all day to see us through the finish from the run.  Our day was perfect with their support. 

Kathy shared that when she was there at both parks with the signs and everyone wearing their Ben shirts they asked her what it was about and she had an opportunity to share his story with them, he touched their lives that day too.

One of our friends was at the park with her daughter and came up to say hello to us and wish us luck.  It was really nice to see Jen there.

We all made a stop at the toilet and had an El Tour kind of moment with carrying the bikes over the fence to get back on course.

Old Spanish Trail moment...I swore at Kevin and said I love you, but I hate this beeping road...I really do hate it....

We made it along the way and experienced the almighty and amazing Freemen road--which is a downhill super fast reward after Old Spanish Trail. Then eventually to Broadway and Tanque Verde loop to see an awesome sight.  One of our RWB members out there with a sign for Ben cheering us on.  There were a few teary eyes there.  It was incredible.  All along the way I was posting where we were to keep people informed and if they wanted to join in.  It was incredible to see this out there.

Here are a few pics of our group when we stopped to see the above signs.

Off we went and experienced the not so pleasant part of the ride, Sabino Canyon Road hill and stupid Sunrise Road hill.  We lost a couple of riders who made a wrong turn and started heading up towards Bear Canyon somewhere who eventually got picked up due to leg cramping.  We had a couple others that went up another road but we all got connected back up.  We were waiting for the riders who went up the other road for a bit on the side of the road then found out their location and started heading out again, that is where flat tire #1 of the day happened-to me.  Crazy how we sat for about 15 minutes and then in 2 minutes I got a flat.  We got it changed and on our way and another rider experienced flat #2 of the day.  We made our way to what I renamed to Hacienda Del Sol to Hacienda Del Downhill-thank God.  It is a little bumpy but made it through and made the turn to get back on the bike path, 3 miles from the finish and we had flat #3 of the day.  Which in the big scheme of things 3 flats out of 22 riders and 56 miles;  they didn't happen until less then 10 miles of the ride left, isn't too terrible. Here is a picture of the last flat.

When we pulled into the Children's Memorial Park we saw our children, Kathy, Jack, our close friends who were sick, Will, Theresa and Brandon and other riders who finished before us enjoying some pizza and some recovery drinks.  It was a glorious sight to see everyone enjoying themselves after a great ride.  It was great seeing the kids all excited to see us and getting everything ready for us.  As much as we wanted to just sit down and have a slice and relax, we had a 13.1 mile run ahead of us.  We got 56.9 miles done, now the feet have to get going.  We changed our shorts and put some deodorant on, put on hats and drank some Gatorade and choc milk and off we went.  

We had planned initially on being there at 12, but with the group staying together it changed to 2.  We knew some people who wanted to come out and run may have come and gone and that was okay.  We started with 22 people and now it was just us. 

Here we are starting out

When we started off it was like our legs were replaced with jelly and cement at the same time.  We crossed the first bridge and realized it was 84 degrees and we have only just begun, we have a long journey ahead of us.  Not once did it cross our minds to quit or cut it short.  One step in front of the other.  We normally run 3:30 and walk 2:00, we quickly flipped that to run 2:00 and walk 3:30 at a pretty quick pace.  We walked up the ramps of the bridges and underpasses and ran where gravity would take us down.  Along the way in the first couple of miles we ran into two RWB members who came out to run, they were determined to do it and their enthusiasm was uplifting.  They had already made a turn around and were almost done.  It was really sweet to see them on the path.

After we saw them we saw a rider from early who finished before us who was riding with her family which made me happy, because she dedicated her time to us and chose to spend it with her children in the afternoon.

Kevin set it up with Kathy to meet us every 2 -3 miles with recovery snacks and water.  We ran with a water bottle too.  It was great to see her and the kids and Jack each time.  

One thing that was funny and pretty good on our part is our hydration was spot on.  I was so worried about it all day.  I peed so many times on the path and I had no tummy troubles.  Those are two big wins and miracles. Albeit Kevin had to carry toilet paper with him.  For the last two miles Matthew wanted to run with us.  An 8 yr old finds it impossible to run in a straight line so he was getting tired pretty quickly and he was chatty.  My watch would beep to run and Kevin would reach back for Matthew to run with us and it would beep to stop and we would walk.  Kevin said to Matthew, if you didn't talk you would have more energy, look at Mommy, she isn't talking, just walking.  I wasn't miserable, just wanted to get done.  It was starting to cool off a little bit too.

Something that kept us moving forward and hit home for us was this that was from The Compassionate Friends Facebook Page. http://www.compassionatefriends.org/home.aspx

The end was in sight.  Matthew saw Kathy, Jack, William and Cecilia and ran off to them, but Kevin and I ran until our watch said 13.1.  They were calling to us and we said we aren't done yet, we will be there in a minute.  So as we have done in every race together, we locked our hands and intertwined fingers, crossed an invisible finish line and held each other and cried.  There is no race photo, no fan fair, no drama, just us.  We set out on this journey together and had amazing support near and far. Kevin related how when they lost Ben an outpouring of support was there, flowers, food, cards and comments and visitors, then it all trails away...people go back to their lives and on about their business.  At the end of the day, as in the process following death it is you and your grief.  The day ended with just us with our family and children.  

This is how we looked when we were done

It was an interesting look back into how it all played out.  But, what was amazing about it all was when we saw through looking through Facebook pictures and stories of what people did that day who weren't with us to remember Ben.

This group did a ride and hike at Saguaro National Park East which has a nasty hill on the back side and they renamed it Benjamin's Ridge.

This lovely lady ran 10 miles in the freezing cold snow in New York for Ben, Ten for Ben she called it and took pics of ducks for him because she couldn't find any bugs.

The group who runs on Sundays ran in Ben's honor.

A lovely team mate ran her Charity Miles for Ben in his honor.

Another had a beautiful walk with her dog in his honor.

One soldier said, how disappointed he was he couldn't be with us because of work, but was super impressed with the RWB Group and support of a fellow Eagle, that is a true team.  Drive on, drive hard RWB!!

One of our friends from the grieving group we attend wrote, "Ben is watching over you two as you do this in his honor and memory...hugs coming at you.

Our niece wrote, "you and Uncle Kevin are two of the strongest people I know.  You will do amazing today.  Benjamin will be riding with you and encouraging you to keep on pushing through"

Another of my closest friends went hiking with her kids and loved them a little tighter on the day.

Our hearts were simply overwhelmed in how many people pulled together, thought about us, thought about Ben, hugged their children tighter and loved a little more that day.  When we heard people talking about how it was their furthest ride or their own battles with grief, we knew we did the right thing by sharing our day with them.  There is no rule book on how to grieve and recover, survive really, but having Ben's memory touch so many lives that day was exactly what we wanted.  He lives in our hearts until the end of our days.  God Bless each and every one of you who decided to make a memory for you in remembering him.  We will do this again next year, maybe our shoulders will be healed enough for a swim.  This was quite possibly one of the hardest things we have ever done.  Our ride took us 4:33, we had an elevation gain of 2,109 feet. 

 Our run took us 2:46 with our pace at 12:44 which isn't too bad really for us considering what we did already.  We honestly expected over 3 hours with more walking, but we did it.  No blisters, a tiny bit of chaffing, no cramps, no tummy upset, hydrated...Ben was with us keeping us safe that day!!  Until next year....okay, yeah until the next event....we will keep moving forward in his loving memory.

Here is Ben's story   http://www.benjaminsbugs.com/